They try to send me to rehab, I say no, no, no.
#97Five Reasons I Missed Friday Fives
The way I look at it now – I couldn’t NOT be depressed after my grandmother passed away. I’d been living such a blessed life, it made me feel like nothing could go wrong. So I had to deal with the loss, the reality, and being humbled.
Meeting new people in so many different places has exposed me to so much and taught me so many things. One dear friend battled depression and it was the first encounter with someone close to me. I kept thinking (and saying) “But her life is so awesome and great and fun, HOW could she be unhappy?” Talking to her about it made me realize that whole idea is part of the problem- knowing you shouldn’t be sad MAKES you feel guilty, and sadder.
So I can better cope with my own little bits. I have days where thinking that we don’t own a home, that I probably couldn’t get a job if I worked for free, that I say all the wrong things at all the wrong times- all it takes is an overcooked dinner on top of all that and I lose it. I used to just shut down, but now I concentrate, count my blessings, and move on. I’m back on top of the grouchy bits and conquering them gives me the strength to make good times even better. (I totally wanted to put ‘gooder’ there…).
Point being – I have the awesomest life on the planet. I have a great family, great friends, and O!M!G! I live on a beautiful beach. I had to refrain from updating my Twitter/Facebook all weekend and week while our company was here – I was afraid to brag. Seriously, even if it was just a night out for tacos, everything was the best time ever!
BB and MB are two of the most amazing people that I’ve ever met – they make me better just for being with them. Meeting BIL’s new girl reminded me I’m still growing and never will be perfect, but holy cow is it fun to dish about family. We all ended up new shades of hot pink and lobster – well of course I’m nice and bronzed, I just have that skin – thanks Dadd! We got to watch the Sea World fireworks almost every night. We really did take some great pictures and I hope I find the time this weekend to share them with you. Just don’t call it bragging. 😉
As of tomorrow, we’ve been doing this marriage thing for three years. Tell me what I should have learned by now. The way I see it, two people that do the things we do (you’re kidding! I talk too much??? Wait, he’s quiet!??!) aren’t going to start trying a whole new life after the vows. But what I do totally know is that this thing does not survive, as I once thought. It evolves. And the struggle – and the FUN – is getting it to evolve together.
MK still doesn’t know the kitchen system. I still yell when he wants me to do anything not on my agenda. Whatever. My Momma and Dadd send me a card. So does Auntie. But to whom else does it really matter? We’re not the kind of couple that goes for a dinner. We don’t exchange gifts. We have had company the last two years, and maybe that will be our tradition.
I’m dumping MK tomorrow to head up to LA. My sweet love is there and I will go see her and impart all the wisdom of three years of marriage three months before she says her “I do”s. I will tell her it’s fun and hard. Stuff she and RB totally already know. I will talk about the trials and the realization that what one person thinks can matter so much. I am so fiercely in love it hasn’t been three years, it’s been a lifetime. And even if I don’t tell him until Friday (someday he’ll read this blog right?) he is the light of my life, the man of my dreams, the thread holding precarious me together.
Right around Christmas, maybe a week before, we bought some poinsettias at Home Depot. I wanted three, but MK only let me get two, a red and a pink one. We usually get one every winter. It usually dies before Christmas. Or shortly thereafter.
But check out these guys:
The pink one is much bigger. They were doing so well in April when we moved that yes, I TOTALLY took them with us. Some of our first company that we had to explain we had a furnished place to commented “How tacky of the owner to leave old plants”, which was really funny after I let them know that, no, those were ours.
I’ve never kept anything alive so long. (Come to think of it, I’m probably totally jinxing myself). Maybe it helps our little condo is like a sauna in the morning. I don’t think you can spot it in the pictures, but these are BOTH sprouting new branches. It’s pretty funny. And exciting. I’m thinking of re-potting them in real pots. We’ll see.
Just wanted to share my excitement about the first thing I haven’t killed. Maybe it’s time to upgrade to a puppy…
Creepy McCreeperton was at the beach today. I guess everyone needs love.
#96Five Really Bad Pickup Lines We Listened To The Same Dude Deliver To Random Chicks
No one every expects that much from me. But MK, well, he’s a boss. 😉 However, we both have been in a big fog of reconnecting, unpacking, settling, and making plans that gave us both headaches and brain lapses.
Like this weekend. It’s a holiday weekend. I figured that out YESTERDAY. We have company. But not who we thought. I knew BB and MB were coming but thought MY brother got here before HIS brother. Nope. And that they’d be here at the same time. Nope. And that there were some big events we’d all be hitting up. Nope. Most of those are next weekend, except for the ones we thought were next weekend that are this weekend…apparently everyone we know in San Diego has a birthday this month.
Events next weekend, company now. BIL and a new GF. Uh oh. And maybe SIL. Even thought MK and I managed to thoroughly confuse her too. But we’re going to make the best of it. Boating in a few minutes, beach. Cookouts. Bars. Adventures. Then BIL will be here. Swap meet. Farmer’s Market. Have to scare the new GF.
I don’t have a job – it’s been a while now. So forgive me that my calendar totally sucks. I mean, we were so sure we got married on the holiday weekend and it was always the last weekend and the long weekend. Nope. I really need a calendar. Don’t even get me thinking about next month, the headaches comes back. I’m always trying to do my best, sometimes my best is pretty weak. Sorry, that’s what you get. 🙂
In other good news SB and I are gonna have an LA sleepover party, and I get to see MR belly dance too. Fun things are coming up. MK finally has the camera figured out so there might just be some pictures of the adventures too!
I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this here before, but I can’t swim, not really. I took lessons as a kid at the Reservoir and the monster mean lady told me sharks would eat my toes if I didn’t swim right. Like that’s going to work. I can kinda force myself around in a pool, if I don’t put my head under. And if I can touch. No deep end for me. Unless there’s a wall to cling to once I get over there. Never learned treading water. My Kardashian booty sinks like a rock.
So I’m not exactly sure what to call yesterday. Last year MK forced me to snorkel, by teaching me in the pool and taking me to see the leopard sharks. It was insane. But I did it. It was my understanding that that was a one time deal and I’d never have to go through that trauma again…
But MK decided he wanted to show me what floating in a wetsuit was like. He dragged me to La Jolla Shores kicking and screaming and rented me a wetsuit, booties, and fins. The rental guy could tell I was freaking out and thought I was a moron. I looked hideous – which is against everything I stand for at the ocean. I wobbled into the water and of course, the waves picked up (MK assured me it would be a super calm day). So there’s me, kinda cry-moan-whining, and him, holding me and making me put my feet up and out and get the fins on and practice the concepts of swimming. I am waaaaay to old for this.
I don’t want to learn to swim. He kept telling me it will be like skiing, which I was a major chicken about but now kick butt. But I WANTED to ski. I’d never tried it. I took a long time because I wanted to get it right. I don’t have dreams about dying skiing. I do have dreams (especially last night) of drowning*.
So we kinda just hung out there, until I calmed down and we had a few laughs. I kept hoping if I made it horrible enough he’d give up, but my husband is entirely too determined. He didn’t quit when I was hyperventilating, just told me that if I didn’t shut up the lifeguards would come try to rescue me and that would be the most embarrassing ever. I can’t say I swam, or snorkeled, but I got in the ocean yesterday, and hung out a little with my feet in the air.
*Do not tell me if I could SWIM, I wouldn’t DROWN. That logic doesn’t fly here.
For over a year, I updated you regularly on my workouts as a way to hold myself accountable. It was helpful to keep a calendar of my fitness schedule, a food diary, and a record of all the times I broke my diet and fitness plans. That was a while ago now. I liked working out in Seattle in the great weather. In San Diego last year, the gym was a must, everyone was so fit. In Park City, skiing made me want to drink beer, eat carbs, and sleep.
Skiing was a workout in and of itself that prevented me from gaining any weight, but I did lose most of the upper body muscles I had grown the year before. So far my workout routine since coming back to San Diego has consisted of not eating (especially no carbs) and not drinking any beer. I broke my diet yesterday with the most delicious piece of pizza on the planet. I have started dreaming about pasta. I just can’t live without it.
So anorexic skinny is not going to work for me. It’s going to have to be exercise. Believe me, I’m not excited about it. It’s just not something I enjoy, especially by myself. I’m trying my best to get hubby out on the nice new cruisers we got, but he’s always so tired after that job thing he has to do every day. We didn’t join a gym because our building has one. He’s seen it twice. I don’t know where it is.
MK tells me all I need to do is work out 6 hours a day to get my old muscles back in a month. I have a feeling it’s going to take 30 minutes a day for the rest of my life. Meh.
Complainers not allowed.
#95Five Reasons I’m Not Really Minding the “May Grey”
The electronic lady voice from Dell called me two days ago now to let me know that she had my laptop. I sure hope she can fix it.
They didn’t say how long it would take. Or if they’d give it back. Just that they got it, thanks for sending your broken stuff to us! I’m picturing monkeys with hammers…in the meantime I’m running around causing drama and then forgetting what it is even though I want to share more than ever before. For example,
I spent Mother’s Day with the only Mom I knew. A friend of a friend. Seemed nice. After 4+ hours of sitting around with her crazy kids (I’ll allege I mean ‘cool crazy’ if I get sued for slander) I get told that I’m a bad person for ‘rushing home’ to pick up MK. And a psycho. (That sounds like I’m picking up MK and a psycho – that made me Laugh Out Loud. She called me a psycho. You got it, I just wanted to clarify for my own sake.) And a spoiled brat. Dude, I brought her FLOWERS. So – turns out she wasn’t the only MOM I knew, she was the only insane bipolar freak I never knew I knew. Huh.
Needless to say I’m not doing that again anytime soon – although crazy seems to be in the air over here on the bay, I wonder what they illegally dump in this water?
Cat Killfoil 