Category Archives: Family

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Rethinking That One Time

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Stories can either gain or lose something in the retelling. Driving by our old La Jolla place today, we told the story of the dummy apartment lady that gave us a place then gave it away. I can’t find it – but here’s this link – proof that things can be amazing.

Sure, we PLANNED to move to Utah. But we were basically EVICTED. I didn’t give all the details here but the truth of the matter is, we would have been homeless but were TAKEN IN. So I’m thinking about my awesome brother, how he’s moving out to San Diego – I think it’s finally safe to announce that here – and how great it is that when he gets here, he has my house until he has his. And he has us.

Some people have nothing. We had BB and TB to turn to when honestly we had no where else to go. Life can be really amazing, and people can be so giving that it hurts your heart to know how great they are. Sure we knew each other a long time – but opening your house speaks volumes. Them letting us stay with them until our lease started, it wasn’t a little thing, it was huge. And I hope that everyone gets to experience that kind of generosity.

Telling MB that story, seeing him crack up, rethinking the whole “what are we going to do” moment, those memories stick!

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Legoland

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Legoland is the perfect fun zone for children ages 6 to 13. Or ages 30 to 35.

DW is my buddy for all things I’ve always wanted to do but never got the chance. This is a great post about one of our adventures together. So with him here I had a buddy (couldn’t believe CH turned me down) to drive up to Carlsbad and pay too much money (I will swear forever I was not the one in charge of the coupon) to see Legos. Legos everywhere. Rides were for small children, even though we made our way on to a few. MK let us go be happy and excited, and took our picture so often the camera battery died.

We watched screaming crazy kids run through water, look at Lego Miniland, and eat junk food. And I might just be speaking for myself (but I doubt it) when I say: these things are much funner without the kids. The kids are what most adults are even there for, but we were there for us.

We (I) keep telling the joke, we’re going to have kids that want to go, and we’ll just say, “Nah. Mom and Dad went, here are thie pics. Look how much fun we had! You wouldn’t have that much fun. The lines were long. This is close enough”.

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No Such Thing

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Mom apologized for getting CH on a plane that gets in at 5pm tomorrow.

Mom: “That’s during rush hour.”

Me: “I have no rush hour. I can leave at three. We can stop for tacos. When you don’t ever have to be anywhere, there is technically no such thing.”

 

Just to really rub it in, noon to 2pm was nap time for MK and I today.

See you tomorrow sweet brother!

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This Is The Life

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The way I look at it now – I couldn’t NOT be depressed after my grandmother passed away. I’d been living such a blessed life, it made me feel like nothing could go wrong. So I had to deal with the loss, the reality, and being humbled.

Meeting new people in so many different places has exposed me to so much and taught me so many things. One dear friend battled depression and it was the first encounter with someone close to me. I kept thinking (and saying) “But her life is so awesome and great and fun, HOW could she be unhappy?” Talking to her about it made me realize that whole idea is part of the problem- knowing you shouldn’t be sad MAKES you feel guilty, and sadder. 

So I can better cope with my own little bits. I have days where thinking that we don’t own a home, that I probably couldn’t get a job if I worked for free, that I say all the wrong things at all the wrong times- all it takes is an overcooked dinner on top of all that and I lose it. I used to just shut down, but now I concentrate, count my blessings, and move on. I’m back on top of the grouchy bits and conquering them gives me the strength to make good times even better. (I totally wanted to put ‘gooder’ there…).

Point being – I have the awesomest life on the planet. I have a great family, great friends, and O!M!G! I live on a beautiful beach. I had to refrain from updating my Twitter/Facebook all weekend and week while our company was here – I was afraid to brag. Seriously, even if it was just a night out for tacos, everything was the best time ever!

BB and MB are two of the most amazing people that I’ve ever met – they make me better just for being with them. Meeting BIL’s new girl reminded me I’m still growing and never will be perfect, but holy cow is it fun to dish about family. We all ended up new shades of hot pink and lobster – well of course I’m nice and bronzed, I just have that skin – thanks Dadd! We got to watch the Sea World fireworks almost every night. We really did take some great pictures and I hope I find the time this weekend to share them with you. Just don’t call it bragging. 😉

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The Unopened Letter

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You might remember that my Grandmother passed away the week after my birthday. It wasn’t until the day after I got home that my aunt arrived and we were talking about things that my birthday even came up. She said I must be glad I’d gotten my cards – she’d been with my grandmother and they’d sent them together. Only the mail lady here might be the  least concerned mail lady on the planet, and it hadn’t arrived yet.

A week later I returned home and MK had found it and saved it for me. It was so surreal seeing Gram’s squiggly cursive addressed to me. It was enough. I shoved the card in a drawer and held out a day or two before telling friends I even had it. It is so stupid, honestly, that I can’t open the thing. It’s going to say “Happy Birthday, Love, Grandma”. And wasn’t the whole lesson about how unsure life can be? It’d be pretty ironic for me to wait and then for it to be too late, if you catch my meaning. Because it’s not in my immediate plans. At first I was thinking my next birthday, then I though when I was 30, then 50. There’s no good time to get the last note from someone.  

We have so little of our sentimental things with us I just needed something to hold on to. For a while I brought a little bookmark that she’d given me everywhere- it said “I love you” on it, until I almost lost it on a plane flight and almost broke my neck crawling under the seat while people stared at me. So you can’t go running around with something like that if it is all you have.

The seal of the card is starting to come loose, so I packed it very carefully. And I’ll try to open it- some day.

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Mom Says Don’t Bother

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So Mom calls and is all like “I’m your Mom, you have to tell me what the super post is going to be about tomorrow.” (See bottom of last entry.)

And I told her. Apparently, since it does not involve grandbabies, buying a house, or a winning lottery ticket, she thinks I should not have announced such a trivial news story headline. She got off the phone PDQ, with a melodramatic and disappointed tone.

I understand. If you don’t come back tomorrow, it’s fine. Whatever. I’m excited.

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Gift Giving

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Are you any good at giving gifts? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, part of me wanting to be nice and do things for other people. I bet everyone we know thinks we are terrible people that just spend money on ourselves, but here’s a reminder that’s just not true.

I haven’t bought anyone in my family a birthday present in like, maybe ever. The last time I tried to buy my mom a birthday gift I was in a car wreck that completely totaled me, the car, and the gifts. And the two new CDs I bought myself (who doesn’t buy themselves stuff when they’re out shopping for others?). The problem really is that I have no idea what on earth they would want. I know what I think they SHOULD want, but over the years I’ve learned just how adopted I probably am by sharing these ideas with others and being laughed at.

Anyway, recently I got a gift for a friend (that got me one first, that’s like then you HAVE to do something) and I think she liked it. Then, just recently, I found ANOTHER gift. For a friend. That WANTED this gift. But couldn’t get it. And I got it. And they’ll get it soon. It’s dorky, but man am I super excited. I’m hoping that my gift giving lameness is turning around!

Side note: I was so worried I already blogged about being a crappy gift giver that I searched for ‘gift’ on my blog and reread a bunch of old posts, and man am I hilarious. Seriously, though, while being paranoid and searching, I found this post. Number 5 is why this is funny.

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March Madness Again

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Every time that milestones like these come along I remember just how long I’ve been here at SomeGoSoftly. March Madness is one of my favorite times of the year. It’s the 5th year I’ve hosted a bracket group over on ESPN’s Tournament Challenge. Half the friends and family that join me are less interested in basketball than me (MK only signs up via force), but they make me feel extra special by playing along.

I usually come in dead last or very close. This might be due to my interest in nothing but the Big East and Big 12. Or because I just guess at my picks. Or because I’m thinking about SXSW more. Whatever the reason, I still enjoy putting together some crazy picks and checking the standings after each round of games.

If you’d like to join us, search for “SGS’s 5th Bracktacular” (Brackets+Spectacular…) and holler at me here/email for the password! All are welcome, I’d love to see the group get bigger every year!

I guess I blogged it two years ago, but not last year. I must have done horribly…

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No Control

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I’m feeling pretty lost right now. The reality of losing my grandmother still hasn’t hit me. The reminder stings – that nothing is in our hands, that we have no control, that we don’t get to pick when or how, not for us, not for our loved ones.

I want to move on, celebrate her life – do all those things people tell you to. I want to not be bitter, sad, angry or confused. That will take me some time. My grandmother was such an amazing part of my life- I wasn’t ready for that part to be over.

As we finally let go of a loved one who has died, we move into the last part of our “grief work”. This doesn’t mean that we become our old selves again. We will never be our old selves again. We come out of any kind of deep grief as different persons than we were before.                                ~Barbara Johnson

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