There have been reports of a variety of illnesses. Sore throats, temperatures, road rage, insomnia, blacking out, binge drinking, ingrown toenails, and other issues arising out of otherwise normally healthy friends.

I hate to admit this, but the Earth apparently has titled off it’s axis slightly, in a direct answer to the dilemma it was trying to resolve, The “SGS getting up early (while it’s still dark out) to work out plague”. As a result, many have been stricken with a wide variety of issues. I completely understand what a silly idea that was. My sincerest apologies, I had no idea that getting up at 4:30 would ruin so many lives. In order to stop the insanity, I will be returning to my normal schedule tomorrow, of staying up late and sleeping until my husband calls me lazy and asks for lunch.

Everything should return to normal. Until then, keep your masks on.