Category Archives: Rants

Unknown's avatar

Support My Lumbar

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I didn’t know I had a lumbar, but now I’m worried about it’s survival. Apparently having a lap top makes you type in all uncomfortable crazy places and positions, then you get in a car, and GASP! – it has no lumbar support, and then your back is broken.

So, if you could – I don’t know what I need – send me some support, that’d be fantastic. Rumor has it this is a ploy to get me to shell out $50 some-odd dollars for a pillow.

lumbar support
www.sptpanel.com

It’s true, I type on the floor, a desk, at a bar, coffee shop…I thought about writing in the car, traffic was pretty bad…but what is this nonsense all about? I’m in pain! Who has time for that?

I’m trying to finish a novel here…

I think I’d rather just have a glass of wine, thanks.

Unknown's avatar

In Other News

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A saying I like these days…in other news. Because it’s (almost) un-novel-related.

TWO THINGS:

POINT THE FIRST: I just realized why I like Starbucks. And Cafe Caffeine. Whatever – um, when I ask for coffee, and do you have AMARETTO, don’t look at the manager. And when you’re the manager, don’t say “I think there is some almond crap over there.” I will punch you in the mouth. Ask the guy at Austin Java. WITH THE BRUISE ON HIS MOUTH.

POINT THE SECOND: When some one inquires to the general status of a hobby, as in “oh, you write?” or “I didn’t know you SANG…” Don’t answer “Duh. It’s kind of what I DO with my life.” Because if we don’t know that you are world famous for tap dancing or whatEVER, then you shouldn’t act surprised. That’s lame.

eye roll
www.imageshack.us

Unknown's avatar

Color Me Maybe You’re Wrong

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From the article snippy referenced: (whole thing here: gawker)

We’ve always been unimpressed with the people who trumpet their participation in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), which as far as we can tell involves telling everyone you know (usually via your blog) that you’re writing a novel in a month, woohoo, way to go you. Seriously, it’s almost as tiresome as people who think they’re all special for sprinting through five boroughs. Color us not impressed.

Okay. so maybe I have noticed that my mom is the only one still reading my blog, but hey, I won’t brag unless I finish. And I have only found one blog besides mine about this. And, you’re just bragging because gawker makes millions. I’m doing it for the little Vietnamese libraries, jerks. How many books have you written?


Kidding…mostly.

Unknown's avatar

Pressure

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I should probably figure out what I’m going to write about. I should stop telling people I’m “going” to write a book, and figure out what on earth I have to say. It’s amazing to me what a skilled slacker I have become. Thanks, college.

I’ll be accepting of the fact that people are convinced that once you start typing a story just COMES OUT. I’ll even try to word associate or write-prompt myself into a best seller. But I’m not really buying it. Dan Brown wasn’t like “Hey, the Mona Lisa…there’s a story there. I’ll just type and see where it takes me.”

davinci code
www.wisdomportal.com

At least I don’t think so…

Unknown's avatar

Types With Feet

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It’s a good thing that I don’t type with my feet, or I’d be out of a job.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Last night was fun. Things were fine. Unfortunately the green team took the game seriously. Shame on them. It was so silly. This lady, yes ME, got a triple and scored a run.

We only lost 6-3. In any event, we were all by my car drinking and having fun.

One man, a Mr. Brian something-or-other, decided to be a grouch and drive off by us real loud and fast like.

He ran over my foot.

Who DOES that? None of MY friends are the foot-running-over-type.

Don’t be so jealous that you turn to maiming. Shame on you.

Unknown's avatar

Where I Live

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These are the things the Gables does with all that money I throw at them in rent:

(if you don’t know me, by “I”, I mean the man I’m married to that pays the bills)

  • Miscalculate their books
  • Make me pay for water
  • Not fix things on time when I ask
  • Hold my packages 4 months before giving me notice
  • Pay someone too old to work to be our “Security Guard”
  • The Poop Patrol. Seriously, they PAY people to clean up after the animals of the idiots here that won’t clean up after their own animals.

gables
www.bestapartmentsinaustin.com

Since I don’t have a dog, or lay on the grass around here, I think this is the biggest waste of money on the earth. I’ve seen places that have happy hours. COMPLIMENTARY ones. There’s a thought.

Unknown's avatar

Back To Work?

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We’re in big trouble. I don’t know how we can afford things. I mean, how could this happen??? I’m going to have to get back to work immediately. This is unreal. We all have our things, I understand. And everyone is about profit. Fine. But is THIS REALLY necessary!?!?!?!

BIG TROUBLE

starbucks forever
www.brandchannel.com

Unknown's avatar

Kickball Hilarity Ensues

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Mom, come down for a kickball game. This would make up for the last 15 years you had me participating in sports. It’s make up for you sitting, watching and waiting for any accomplishment. Somehow, I’m NOT the worst player on the team. I make plays.

Sure, we keep losing miserably (8-0 this time) but that’s really more likely due to the fact that we don’t practice, everyone gets hurt, no one calls the ball, etc. etc. I get to be catcher, and I’ve even become the FUN ONE of the whole team. It’s really quite a sight.

You probably would even make a great coach. We’ve got no where to go but up…

red rubber ball
www.watsoncrombie.com

Unknown's avatar

Weekend-itis

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I’m ready to go back to my nice couch, Law and Order reruns, and pajamas. Fridays are too hard to get anything done, and the clock moves slower simply because of how anxious I am to start this wonderful LABOR DAY HOLIDAY WEEKEND that I have nothing planned for…yet.

latesha ruined casual friday for everyone
www.photobucket.com