Of course the very first thing Momm asked last night is why I was bothering to waste words on this topic. I told her it happened, I think and feel things about it, and it’s cathartic to have this space to get out those feelings and thoughts. I mentioned it to MK, and he agreed with Momm. Apparently he wants me to blog about current events and real issues. But wait! I assured them both this was current and an issue.
My point for telling the story was so that you could help me out. The thing is, I am friends with quite a few people. And I’m in the middle of making a whole new set of friends, in my new home. I want to be the best person I can and put my best foot forward. I feel like right now I can’t do that unless I clean up my past. I remain in touch with so many people. I go to places they all are often. I meet up with them. I might even try to avoid them, only to run in to them since they are all friends with other friends. I embrace my past and love my friends, but I honestly do a kind of crappy job keeping in touch sometimes. It’s hard to call if you haven’t got something new and interesting, and you’re worried about old stuff being brought up.
Point is, the last 100,000 times that I’ve seen anyone that knows the story I told you, they bring it up. “Have you heard from DH?” “What ever happened to DH?” and if you follow my Twitter (you must, it’s on the right of this page over there) you know that it’s been four years. Four years and, what, six or seven addresses later? As if I’m going to ever ask anyone or look around or hear about her. I don’t want to. This is me moving on.
But these friends of mine, and I do believe they are good friends, always bring it up. I feel like asking them how they felt when their dog died or their neighbor got cancer. It’s just not appropriate. So blog buddies, how do I get over this? I thought maybe sharing the story with you might help me get over it. And it did. It’s something that happened to me though, it doesn’t just go away. So how do I ever convince these people to help me make it go away? I don’t want crap like this on my mind as I go out in the world meeting new people. It creates unwarranted misgivings. I want to get this old stuff off my mind, and open it to new people without worrying theyd hurt me in any similar way.