I am afraid. And writing isn’t my job. But still I tried to show up ‘to my job’ as a writer. I rewrote my novel, the one that was more of a young girl dream, that I keep trying to make work. I am hoping that maybe I didn’t win the most recent book-publishing contest thingy I entered because it was someone else’s time.
Everything is so good for me these days I get afraid the bottom might fall out and I might lose an arm in my sleep. So it’s only fair to have one little thing that isn’t the way I want. I’m not a published author.
Mostly what’s holding me back is being so terrified of the world. Exposing my emotions about skiing for skiutah.com was harder than I ever imagined – people write shitty comments on blog posts on the internet. That’s lame. It makes me sad. Imagine if I self publish, and then people make mean comments on an even bigger forum, like amazon.com. Yikes.
I loved this TEDtalk Snippy sent me. Well, I only watched it a day later because I was bored. But THEN I loved it. I only didn’t like the lady because I was convinced Eat, Pray, Love was the book Snippy was meant to write, and that she would have killed it.
But, she’s a smart lady. Even if you aren’t a writer, listen to her thoughts. Some people are more creative than others, but I believe we all have a gift of something other than being good at a job, that we are meant to share.
It tells me that the fear and things I feel are real and normal. And I am creative. There will be people that never get that or think it’s worth it, but I can’t let THEM be the reason I don’t do something great.