Oh, You’ll Like This

Mike Birbiglia had a funny little list going yesterday on Twitter:
RT @DanAhlgren: “By the way” means my next thought is not even close to related to the matter being discussed.
RT @ComicKevinJones: “Do you remember that time” means i’m lying, cover for me.
RT @MandyHarmon: “I had the weirdest dream about u last night” means –we had dream sex and it was awful.
RT @BigHowie79: “That’s why I always say” is always followed by something they never say.
RT @girl_noir: “Oh, you’ll like this” means it will be related to the only thing you know about me.
RT @8bit_mike: “I love all your retweets” means I’m unfollowing you.
RT @mayan_pilot: “That’s so funny” is like saying, “I found that mediocre, but I’m gonna tell you something funnier.”
RT @LegitFunk: “That reminds me” means I wasn’t listening and was just waiting for you to shut up so I could talk.
RT @UndertheMtn: If someone starts with “Clearly,” it’s never clear at all.
RT @HoytWilhelmIII: “Just the other day…” means sometime last summer.
RT @toohipguitars: “Say what you will about (name)” means that person sucks at everything except whatever finishes that sentence.
RT @Brohakel: “You know I’m good for it” usually means you already owe me fifty bucks.
RT @joebodolai: “quick story…” is never quick and usually not a story.
RT @BetterOffRob: “He’s so nice” usually means he’s bad at something.
RT @word_craft: “Think about this:” usually means you won’t have to.
RT @barrettbo: “I don’t mean to be a dick, but….” is usually followed by something only a dick would say.
RT @da_buckster: “I read that..” almost always means they saw it on TV.
RT @DrAwesomeBFD: “No offense, but…” is usually followed by something pretty offensive.
RT @joebodolai: “You won’t believe this” makes me have no trouble believing it.
RT @BigBryC: In turn, “this is hilarious” guarantees I won’t laugh.
When people say the phrase “it’s not funny,” it’s usually pretty funny.

3 thoughts on “Oh, You’ll Like This

  1. All I could come up with is “Remember last night when that one thing happened” means I partied too hard and need you to remind me by retelling the whole night’s stories but don’t want to admit it.

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