There are a couple things right now I’m pretty sure are contributing to my death. As in, getting me closer to, sooner than is appropriate.

• The water. The little filter must be out on the fridge, it tastes funny. Not as bad as the tap water, but I’m considering buying some bottled. Not to mention I drink too much of it and then feel bloated.
• The Red Sox. Did they have to drag that out like that? Stressful. And it means I’ll have to watch more baseball.
• Caffeine. I’ve had so little for so long, but for some reason lately have been pounding cups of coffee and Enviga. And getting the jitters. No more tolerance.
• Lysol Disinfectant Wipes. This is basically just me complaining about cleaning.
• The neighbors. I am most certainly not getting enough sleep to be prepared for my journey what with the obnoxious partiers this weekend. And last weekend. They’re total drug bingers, because they never went to sleep. It stayed noisy.

Isn’t that a lethal combination? I’m all jittery, tummy hurting, sleepy, and still have to get us out of here! Feel sorry for me, and I’ll add you to my will…


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Drama queen pity party, blanket for one, please.